Giving advance notice of loud building work ranked No.1 'good neighbour' trait
|
Gesture (in order from 'most essential') |
Essential |
Nice, but not expected |
Unnecessary |
|
Giving advance notice before having loud work done or hosting a party |
41% |
45% |
14% |
|
Taking in a parcel or delivery when a neighbour isn't home |
29% |
59% |
12% |
|
Introducing yourself within the first few weeks of moving in |
27% |
57% |
16% |
|
Exchanging phone numbers with a neighbour |
18% |
56% |
26% |
|
Moving a neighbour's wheelie bin back on collection day |
17% |
66% |
16% |
|
Looking after a neighbour's pet or watering plants while they're away |
16% |
62% |
22% |
|
Posting a card or gift on key occasions (e.g. new home, Christmas, birthday) |
16% |
61% |
23% |
|
Offering DIY tools, garden equipment, or household essentials (e.g. lending a ladder, lawn mower, or milk/sugar) |
16% |
63% |
21% |
|
Holding a spare set of house keys for a neighbour |
13% |
55% |
32% |
|
Inviting neighbours round for drinks or dinner |
12% |
55% |
33% |
Nearly a third of Brits feel too awkward to talk to their neighbours — but most go above and beyond with silent acts of kindness
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A fifth of Brits don't know any of their neighbours' names
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3 in 5 agree there's a point when it's too late to say 'hi' to a new neighbour, and 7 weeks is the cut-off
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Northerners are friendlier, as data shows they're 12% more likely to know all their neighbours' names compared to those in southern cities
We'd like to think of ourselves as a nation of good neighbours, ready to pop round with a spare pint of milk and happy to feed the cat while next door is on holiday. But a new survey by Moonpig, the UK's leading online greeting card and gift retailer, suggests that's only half the story.
Nearly a third of the 1,500 Brits surveyed are too awkward to talk to their neighbours, with 1 in 10 who say they've deliberately delayed leaving the house to avoid a doorstep natter, and women admitting to this more than men (12% vs 9%).
But look past the awkward avoidance, and Brits turn out to be far more generous neighbours in practice than our own etiquette rules suggest.
Are we too awkward to say 'hello'?
Not only are we too shy to introduce ourselves, but there's also a ticking clock attached to doing so. 3 in 5 agree there's a point when it's 'too late' to say hello to a new neighbour, and on average, 7 weeks is the cut-off.
Around 1 in 10 say they'd feel too awkward to introduce themselves face-to-face, but would happily do it with a card through the letterbox instead, suggesting a low-key introduction might be all that's needed to break the ice.
These next-door nerves peak in our late twenties and early thirties, with 25-34s being nearly twice as likely as over-55s to avoid knocking on a new neighbour's door out of awkwardness, and 15% of this age group saying they'd prefer to introduce themselves with a card.
When it comes to property types, people in flats are the most avoidant of all — more than any other group, they admit to deliberately delaying leaving their homes to avoid interactions with neighbours (14%) and won't knock on a new neighbour's door because they feel too awkward (13%). What's more striking is 1 in 9 flat residents (12%) say they've never spoken to their immediate neighbours — that's more than double the rate of those in other property types (5% on average).
Geographically, the stereotype that northerners are friendlier holds up pretty well. On the whole, respondents in cities across the north of England report notably lower rates of neighbourly awkwardness than those in the south (23% vs 33%). Southerners are also less likely to know their neighbours by name (21% don't know any names, vs 17% in the north).
How well do we really know next door?
This awkwardness has a knock-on effect. Around 1 in 5 Brits said they don't know any of their neighbours' names, with more men admitting this than women (21% vs 18%). People living in flats fare worst of all, as more than 1 in 4 are unable to name any of their neighbours.
It's not just names we're missing out on, but potentially everything — 7% say they've never spoken to their neighbours, with those aged 35-44 the worst culprits for never having exchanged a word (10%).
Nottingham comes out worst for not knowing any of their neighbours' names, with more than 1 in 4 (28%) admitting this. Plymouth, meanwhile, has the highest proportion of residents who've never spoken to a neighbour at all (12%, nearly double the national average). At the other end of the scale, Belfast, Liverpool, and Sheffield lead the way for knowing at least one if not all immediate neighbours by name (93%, 88% and 87% respectively).
Why are we like this? Psychologists suggest it comes down to how badly we predict a conversation will go. A 2020 study found people avoid talking to strangers mainly out of fear of coming across awkwardly, running out of things to say, or worrying the other person won't like them. But a separate study found we also underestimate how much other people enjoy talking to us when we actually do (something researchers call the "liking gap"). Our hesitation on the doorstep might say more about our own nerves than it does about our neighbours
Does this make us bad neighbours? Not necessarily
Being awkward doesn't automatically qualify us as a 'bad neighbour'. In fact, it seems that for everything what we lack in chitchat, we make up for in silent acts of neighbourly kindness.
Moonpig asked Brits to rate a range of neighbourly gestures, and the results reveal a clear pecking order of what's considered a must, and what's a nice bonus (but not expected). From taking in parcels to moving wheelie bins, people are far more likely to actually do these small favours than consider them 'essential':
It seems that Brits' neighbourly kindness is less about feeling a sense of obligation, and more about what we're simply happy to do for each other. We might be an awkward bunch, but at least we're polite. How very British, indeed.
Not every neighbourly gesture gets the same warm reception, however. Ask Brits to invite next door over for drinks and dinner, and the nation almost splits perfectly in two — one half reaches for the corkscrew, while the other bolts the door. Welcome cards, gifts, and spare keys also prove more divisive than other favours we'd do without a second thought. So, we're happy to help a neighbour out, just not always happy to have them in!
[SEE CHART - Neighbourly gestures Brits can't agree on]
Do you need to buy your new neighbour a housewarming gift? It depends who you ask.
Around 1 in 6 respondents rated giving a gift to a neighbour as an essential, and not just for housewarming — they're also in favour of exchanging cards and gifts for other key occasions like birthdays and Christmas.
Most think of gifting as a nice neighbourly gesture, but not something they'd expect (61%). But this hasn't stopped a good number of us from doing it anyway. Around half (50%) would be happy to do it, with more than 1 in 5 already having done so. At the other end of the scale, 2 in 5 said they'd either never give their neighbours a gift, or would simply prefer not to.
Liverpudlians are the most willing to give a welcome gift to a new neighbour (59%), with more than 1 in 4 who consider it an essential part of being a 'good neighbour', well above the national average.
Moonpig's Kristof Fahy said: "You don't necessarily have to buy your new neighbour a housewarming gift. But if you're looking for a low-key way to break the ice, our findings suggest that plenty of neighbours would appreciate the gesture, even if they'd never admit to expecting it. A card through the letterbox or a small gift is one of the easiest ways to 'say' hello without the awkwardness of a face-to-face introduction, and can be all it takes to get things started off on the right foot."
